2011/06/04 Sunday Times
ZAID MOHAMAD
RECENTLY, I observed a parent-child team who had been given the opportunity to lead an activity. The idea was to let the child conduct the session while the parent stayed in the background to offer guidance and supervision.
I was impressed with the girl’s ability to interact with the crowd and to get people to do what she wanted. Yes, it was not perfect but things were going relatively nicely until about halfway through the session, when her parent became impatient and started to dictate the girl’s every move. Pretty soon, it was the parent who was doing the talking! The girl became quiet and slowly backed off. The next time I glanced up, the girl was already off the stage. This is a classic case of a parent who has failed to let go and empower the child, with negative consequences.
Hijacking children's creativity
How many times have we also done the same, not on a stage but at home? When was the last time we interrupted our kids’ by correcting their every sentence and putting words into their mouths? Some parents even discourage their kids from “time-wasting” activities like playing at make-believe. Creative moments happen when parents fully empower their children to think and act on their own. Yes, they will make mistakes and may not always follow our instructions. However, they also need to be given the opportunity to experiment, pretend or even daydream. These are part of character building and creative thinking. The human brain is divided into two sides: The left for logical thinking, and the right for creative ones. Children must learn as early as possible to use both. Direct instruction or daily schoolwork is about using the left brain. But daydreaming, make-believe and imaginary friends are perfect activities to nourish the right side of the brain.
Too many instructions
When parents cannot stop churning out instruction after instruction, two things can happen. First, children will feel stifled and bored. Second, the parents will feel frustrated that their children are “not listening” to them. In the end, the parents feel they need to take charge and to move the children aside.
Too many instructions can kill creativity. There is little room for children to think on their own and be independent. In the long term, it can even diminish his or her self-confidence. It is bad enough that in schools, children are being “spoon-fed” information. At home, we must at least give them more freedom by reducing rigid instructions and choosing to empower them instead.
Not trusting their abilities
I am sure the little girl would have felt bad about her inability to conduct the session. The parent’s action was akin to dismissing her skills as not being good enough. If this happens once too often, she will eventually believe that she is not capable.
We must avoid this at all costs. A human mind is a terrible thing to waste. By forcibly taking over the situation and the thinking, we are effectively removing their confidence and avenue to train their minds.
On the contrary, parents who choose not to interrupt their kids’ ideas or actions will learn that they are more capable than many would think. They can have solutions to daily problems, offering a new perspective. They can lighten parents’ burdens by proactively helping out around the house when they sense that things are not going smoothly. In short, the house has extra brain power waiting to be tapped!
Just let them do
Many good things happen when we learn to let go and let children do it their way. Let them dream a little, try a little, and learn a lot. We will experience benefits when we don’t orchestrate their every move. More importantly, our children will undergo trial and error which will teach them how to maximise their creative thinking and decision-making skills. Don’t you agree that these are useful skills?
The writer is a certified parental coach and author of two best-selling books, Smart Parents, Brighter Kids and Smart Parents, Richer Kids.
Visit www.SmartParents.com.my or write to zaid@smartparents.com.my.
